I took my little blue pill just a few minutes ago and I washed it down with Cherry Coke Zero and yet my mind is fuzzy and my fingers cannot keep the pace of my thoughts and each word ends up being misspelled.
As many of you know by now, I am leaving tomorrow to the Dominican Republic, “my fadda’s land” to paraphrase an old friend of mine. This trip is full of mysteries, full of unanswered questions but also something that does not allow for a full sentiment of joy and anticipation. I almost tend to think that there is much reluctancy on part of my mother, when in fact it was her idea and we talked about it while she stayed with me last February as my son was being baptized and I turned 45.
Because of my insistence to spend Father’s Day with my kids, I turned down the offer to leave today which would have saved us a full day’s work instead of having to wait until Tuesday to get the first meetings and discussions going. But on the other hand, waking up in the heart of the Old Colonial city, enjoy a breakfast by the pool and being able to forget our everyday frustrations and problems? Priceless!
The Dominican Republic I once new has of course changed throughout the years and yet some places don’t and I could reach those places my eyes closed. And yet, because of all the problems we have been having for the past 30+ years, my trips end up being very extremely frustrating. Every time I go and it’s time to go back home I am fuming and even more determined from the trip before that the other family members are far from playing fair, especially for those of us whose life make sense and know what they want to do of their lives and not just obtusely camp on their selfish positions.
This trip is going to be weird because it’s been 35 years this month that my father passed away. The 35 years that have completely changed my life for bad of for good. To people who asked me what would have been my life if I had stayed after June 6, 1974, I say that I would have been a doctor, playing the violin and with at least 5 or 6 kids. And which life I would like better, that life or the one I am living right now. And because of all the things I have gone through in different places, I think my life makes more sense even if I am not a rich man.
I am getting old. I have other priorities and it’s making me have a nasty moment. I am getting scarier and scarier of flying. My fears are not related to my sole disappearance but to the disappearance of 2 young children’s loving dad. Most probablty, nothing will happen and I’ll be walking in the halls of the “Aeropuerto Internacional de las Americas” around 8:30pm, hoping that my mother had a pleasant flight and is waiting for me to start our adventures.
My laptop’s battery died a while ago and I never tried to look for one or order one. The consequence is that I need to have it plugged to the wall at all times if I want to do anything at all. Plus the fact that it is pretty big and heavy absolutely discouraged me about thinking to carry it around me. So I looked for a netbook and I did find something I liked but in any case it could not have been delivered to me in time before my departure. And the other reason was because of the for some detox. So many hours spent a day in front of a computer for various reasons, whatever they might be. My idea is to leave with a paper notebook and write down what I would otherwise be posting here or at FaceBook or Twitter. Write down everything the old fashion way and see what will come out of it and if anything could ever be posted somewhere. I do not intend on running a humongous roaming bill just to keep in touch with everybody everytime like I do right now.
The blue pill is in control of my mind, so I guess it’s time to go to sleep. Many, many more things to do in the morning.
Till then…
